The always athletic and ever sensationalized sport of figure skating takes center stage in the new comedy, Blades of Glory. While tasty cameo morsels of real life skating personalities are sprinkled throughout the film, fictitious co-champion men’s competitors are first exiled and then reborn to the sport. Sound innovative? Don’t kid yourself – this is no Cutting Edge.
Arch rivals become a pairs team after a stalker finds a loop-hole in the rule book that allows Chaz Michael Michaels (think: Michael Weiss) and Jimmy MacElroy (twin: Johnny Weir) to skate again. The movie is nothing if not the predictable, painfully disgusting, hilarious comedy that we’ve come to expect of Ferrell. Blades of Glory is not as extreme as Jackass but not as benign as Elf. Imagine a tolerable (and admittedly delicious) blend of the two.
Although rated PG13, this movie is peppered with enough adult comedy to warrant a massive caution for parents of younger skaters. This flick is definitely not intended for the whole family, unless parents plan to begin new conversations on the birds and the bees over soda and popcorn.
Still, for more mature athletes, this film is a tongue-in-cheek gut-buster. The movie begins as the two single men’s competitors vie for the top podium spot. To get there, the actors perform moves that remove any doubt as to who their characters represent from the skating world.
Those who have seen the former National Champ’s Swan Lake performance will chuckle at the realization that Jimmy’s (Heder) peacock unitard too closely resembles Johnny Weir’s swan costume – with one exception. Jimmy turns to reveal a bulbously feathered butt. Michaels (Ferrell) is Michael Weiss incarnate, only so far as to repeat Weiss’s over-used over-head clap and performance to rock music.
Some spoofs provide a great opportunity for skaters to step back from their sport and identify boundaries that might need to be tightened or expanded. Commentator Scott Hamilton’s cameo commendation on “the galloping peacock” brings to mind figure skating moves that are over-rated because of popularity but not truly technical or musically reflective.
Sasha Cohen seems to have had plenty of time to show up on movie sets since she skipped out on Nationals this season. In Blades of Glory, Sasha catches and hugs tightly Ferrell’s sweaty jock strap. Her cinematic genius is certainly furthered by a believable screech as she proclaims devotion to the fictitious men’s skater. (The whole affair might induce a flash-back of Philippe Candeloro’s revealing performances.) To describe similar sensationally ridiculous moves, here’s a quote from the Michaels character: “No one knows what it means, but it’s provocative.”
There are other faces that fans will appreciate. The two men are coached by “Coach,” AKA Craig T. Nelson. Ben Stiller has his name on the producer list. Nancy Kerrigan, Peggy Fleming, Dorothy Hamill and Brian Boitano also poke their faces in for a few laughs. Skaters and stunt doubles include Tiffany Scott, Scott Irvine, John Zimmerman, Kyoko Ina, Yuka Sato, Sale and Pelletier, and Todd Sand. Choreographer Sara Kawahara, the genius behind many real gold medal routines and ice shows, enjoyed Blades of Glory as the cinematic premier of her work.
For a glimpse at more of your favorite skaters, watch the scoreboards in the movies. Pairing of real-life singles skaters will tickle the skating aficionado. Also pay close attention to the audience lady whom Michaels licks. It’s none other than Lisa Marie Allen, a 1980 Olympian and assistant movie choreographer.
For the record, the skaters’ use of a live dove and pyrotechnics as props is prohibited in “real” skating. This brings us to the next question. Is there anything in the movie that reflects the rules and regulations of bona fide competitive figure skating?
Outside the International Skating Union, the governing body for Olympic eligible figure skating, same-sex couples may actually be able to compete in pairs competitions. The USFSA (which was not cited in the movie) states that a pairs team consists of one man and one woman. The ISU agrees.
The International Skating Institute, a governing body promoting recreational, non-Olympic competitive skating, has a Couples event. Two skaters of the same or opposite genders singles skate in unison. Eligible figure skating is also a long way from embracing the boy-on-boy action depicted in the movie.
Rulebook modifications have also limited what skaters are allowed to do for athlete safety. In Blades of Glory, their last move is a killer – literally. It’s a bounce spin into a throw flip, and the supporting partner performs a butterfly during the flip. Not that clarification is needed, but you can’t try that move at home or the ice rink. Flips and flying anythings are done at different speeds that the timing would be off (like the head of the “North Korean” pairs skaters shown in the movie performing the stunt.)
Note: There are a handful of star-powered men’s teams that perform with popular tours. Men, such as Disson skaters and former American Open Champs Vladamir Besedin & Oleksiy Polishuk, exhibit incredible strength and courage with skill moves that should definitely not be tried at home. Their moves, in fact, rival circus gymnasts – as do a few husband and wife teams that call themselves “Ice Acrobats.”
Still, Blades of Glory piques the imagination and begs us to ask what, in our sport, is still possible, and what should never have been. It also comes dangerously close to commanding a reevaluation of competitive figure skating and how far it might venture from the true nature of the sport.
